C.B. Harvest Jack Pumpkin Ale Commercial Description:
“C.B. Harvest Jack Pumpkin Ale is a rich, creamy Pumpkin Ale that will melt in your mouth. This autumn orange, full bodied beer is complemented perfectly by a hint of seasonal spices including cinnamon, ginger, coriander and vanilla. Grains of paradise add a sweet warmth and enhance the creamy mouth feel. C.B. Harvest Jack Pumpkin Ale will make you want to run outside, high-five a scarecrow, and jump into a pile of leaves.”
…run outside, high-five a scarecrow, and jump into a pile of leaves.
Malts: Pilsner, CaraMunich, Flaked Oats
Hops: Sterling and Styrian Golding Hops
Additions: Cinnamon, ginger, coriander, vanilla
CB Craft Brewers
New York, United States
Style: Pumpkin Ale
Back in the day I tended bar to the most miserable clientele at a major international airport. The bar was past security and the flights in that terminal were commuter. This particular cluster of gates primary served as a domestic commuter hub, meaning there were no fun flights. There were no awesome destinations that attracted awesome people, like say the type of people who would fly to Vegas. We served angry middle aged men flying to Charlotte.
There were two angry archetypes of flyers at this bar. One was “Guy In A Rush Because He Has A Flight To Catch.” Really? You don’t say? I thought you bought a ticket to clear security for fun. GIARBHHAFTC orders double bloody mary’s and asks every few minutes where his food is. The second angry archetype are the People In The Midst Of A Horrible Delay Or Guy Who Was Just Deboarded From The Plane. PITMOAHDOGWWJDFTP are not happy people and come in droves. The bar gets crowded with angry people and there are only 15 bar stools. Everyone is pissed and emotional so the bar staff gets berated. Then the bar starts to run out of supplies and your second bartender needs to go pass security to storage, fill up a cart with kegs and booze, clear security with said booze and get the keg bomb tested, and then navigate the cart through the PITMOAHDOGWWJDFTP who try to grab beers off the cart.
Well, this is NJ and there is only so much some men can (apparently) get yelled out before snapping. So on one fateful Thursday night many years ago I may or may not have witnessed another bartender try to serve a Jersey Turnpike. This is the act of ringing out a dirty, wet bar rag into a glass of booze. I prevented the actual glass of booze being served to the customer, because you know ethics, even though the customer was a jerk.
The truth is who knows what that angry bar guest was going through. It was a long day for everybody, and I was used to working in the crazy. Another truth is that we are all, at sometime in our lives, bad customers. No one deserves to drink a Jersey Turnpike though.
C.B. Harvest Jack Pumpkin Ale reminds me of a Jersey Turnpike. Instead of an ecliptic mixture of various booze, Harvest Jack tastes like someone melted all the candles in Bath & Body Works with candy corn. Not even the package design is good. It looks like a freshman community college graphic designer’s final semester project.